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ILLNESS AS A

TRANSFORMATION

PROCESS

by Ula Moleda

"Illness is not a punishment, but a stimulant to life. Illness can be a teacher, companion, or challenge But not a punishment. Still, sometimes its message Isn't clear. Ignore the illness. Look for stimulation In the knowledge that you can heal in an instant." - Caroline Myss.

Life is a healing process. Every experience you have, every person you meet is part of that process. Whether you feel great about yourself or you feel down - all that is part of an healing experience. If you feel great about your life keep this positive energy high and still. Keep your spirit in the present as much as you can and create your dreams. However, there are times in our life when we do not have the clarity of making decisions, where we don't listen to our body and let the body talk to us in language of illness and disease. Times, where we don't know how to move forward or don't have the strength and the courage to do so. That's the time where we do need to stop for a while and honestly look at ourselves. The time of illness, the time of confusion, the time of feeling ''stuck'' - it's the time we need to be Thankful for because that time gives us a great opportunity to actually look at ourselves, to look at our life and ask - Am I happy living like that for another five, ten, twenty years? Am I happy with myself? Am I creating or co-creating my dreams? Am I living the life I desire and deserve? What stops me to be what I want to be? What holds me back? What my body is trying to tell me by developing this illness? What do I need to change if change at all? Why am I disempowering myself? Do I really want to be empowered person and live good life? Isn't it easier to play a role of victim, 'poor me', 'no one never understood me', 'why me?" life? Self-pity attitude can be very addictive.

Once, when I was in that challenging time of confusion, I had the vision during my daily meditation - I saw myself as a wild animal in the cage. The cage was big enough for me not to feel too claustrophobic but too small to really give me the space to freely breath. I was so wild in my emotions. I was bumping from wall to wall with wild emotions of anger, rage, self-pity, victim and many more we all experience. Emotions which totally blind my eyes and didn't let me to see - to see the open gate. The wild emotions we do experience during those times sometimes make us blind and we might not see the open door, opportunity, different choices we can make otherwise. Blind to see our situation clearly. Then in the vision I saw myself sitting quietly in this cage after being so tired from bumping into the iron walls. I was sitting quietly and slowly brought peace to myself. And only then I was able to see that open door. There was an open door in my cage which I realized it was always open. I understood so well that if we take the responsibility for putting ourselves in those cages of confusion, illness, unhappiness etc. so then we need also to take the responsibility for taking ourselves out of that cage.

Do not judge your experiences. Trust that everything what's happening to you is for your best. It can sound strange - but even illness can be for your best if you take it as an opportunity to make certain changes and to live life of your highest values and purpose. Experience the illness as a journey of self-discovery, of self-empowerment, of self-knowledge. 'A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for' as William Shedd said.

Embrace the changes in your life. Let go of fighting with them, let go of resisting them as resisting might bring even more confusion and illness. Instead of trying to understand them and analyze rather accept them. You will see them with more clarity - if not now, you will see it in some time. Accept the situation you are in, the illness, the confusion and you will see how much peace will come with your acceptance. How much more flexible you will find yourself and more open responding to new people and situation. And you might even see 'the open door'.

People who are in that situation with often times not only one but many different illnesses could easily say now - Easy to say for someone who is healthy, easy to give advice but not that easy to be strong and positive when you have cancer, or depression, or leukemia, or...you name it. And I will encourage you to look back for a moment. Not to go and live your past again or experience the painful time - no. To look back to check your though process, your beliefs, your way to respond to people, your way of talking to yourself. Illness usually corresponds to a loss of energy in certain areas of your body. Anger, fear, negative emotions, negative thinking, intimidation may cause those power losses. It's time to honestly check that if you feel unhappy, powerless, unsatisfied with yourself and your life.

I am not saying that all illnesses are coming from our negativity. Many are coming from our family - DNA, from environment, from traveling, and even from our past lives. You will know the difference inside and you will know the solution also. Be present, gain self-esteem and self-love and you will know.

Last year I spent couple of months on the crutches after over stretching my Achilles tandem. I was in a pain I have never experienced before. That was a very challenging time specially that I had no strength to surround myself with peace and kindness for first few weeks. I was fighting and kept asking question 'why me?'. Only later on I have changed that question into more powerful one 'why did it happened and what do I need to learn from it?". Right question gives you the space for changes and improvement. I got the answer. I saw what I was doing to myself. I saw my saboteur and I had to change my belief which brought me so much struggle that 'the grass is greener on the other side'. That was a very powerful transformation time for me. The time were I could let go of judgments and enjoy the beauty of place and people I was with that time of my journey.

Treat your illness as a Divine message. During that challenging period you really will need to hold your energy in present time if you want to heal. It is important to keep your daily practice - whether that is meditation, yoga, drama, dance, painting, writing. That will give you the strength to deal with whatever is waiting for you during that transformational time. That also will give you some stability and the safety of doing something which you know while you enter unknown period of changes, period of unknown. It also might be time to meet your shadow self or quality within you which you were repressing till now. Carl Jung once said when he developed the shadow self of human that 'you are beginning to realize that whatever is wrong in the world is in yourself. Learn to deal with your own shadow and you will do something real for the world''.

One of my clients was a woman with the breast cancer. Cancer seems like a physical illness. We did few session of energy healing and counseling and we found out what was happening with her on a much deeper level and caused or was one of major factor of developing breast cancer. Reiki healing/compassionate touch will strengthen your body with universal energy and will also often times bring into consciousness a previously unconscious issues, emotions, memory, beliefs, roles we play, our archetypes. We found during our sessions that the real issue is that she can not forgive her self for something she has done years ago. The guilt and luck of self-forgiveness is killing her from inside and manifesting itself in the breast cancer. It started where we usually imagine that Love is - from her breast/heart chakra. When all that knowledge enter her conscious mind she was able to do some great healing for herself.

Few of my dear friends are going through the challenging time of 'extended' illness, job lose, moving to other country and finding themselves there. Some of them are taking that precious time for their inner journey and growth. There are times where they fight, where they cry and doubt themselves, where they lose the trust and faith. Moments of feeling totally hopeless. But when those moments passes they gather their power again and again and go forward on their self-discovery path. Gratitude is and attitude. We all know that we have a choice. We either accept the situation we are in, stop complaining and disempowering ourselves or we need to change. Change things which need to be changed for us to feel happy with who we are and what we do.

We all are intuitive beings. We know. We usually know what can make us happy and what we need to change. What makes a different is the courage we have or don't have to follow our intuition. And that also is very frustrating at times. The knowledge that you don't have enough courage to follow your heart. It's a challenging and scary process. Changes, unknown - it can be scary. However, if you start to resonate with belief that every change is for better and will bring something positive in your life, you will let yourself be more peacefully open for them. You might even welcome them knowing that this is just another part of your journey on this planet.

Here are a few helpful thoughts:

*Stay in the present. Let go of the pain from the past and worries about the future. Bring all your spirits to the present time and let yourself experience life fully.
*Remember also that recovery is the process and even though it might seem like an endless journey, enjoy it.
*Sometimes you need to stop controlling things which you can not control, close your eyes and let divine to give you the guidance. Accept and gather power to follow it.
*Do not treat your illness, confusion, disease as a punishment. A messenger is much more healthy way of thinking about it. Much more empowering.
*Let the changes come in your life and welcome them if you can.
*Remember that we are not only human-doing but human-being also. Stop sometimes doing your daily stuff and sit - sit in silence with yourself - and listen.
*Remember about things you love doing and do them. Do not punish yourself by taking them away from yourself.
*Let your unconscious talk to you - dreams, writing, painting, drama, meditation, nature and many more is a powerful language our unconscious speak to us.
*Forgive and keep forgiving.
*Be kind for yourself and others.
*Stop criticizing yourself - Please.
*Be aware and keep the balance in your life.
*Follow your pain through even the dark times which will bring you to the place of making clear decision which by releasing your inner conflicts can be very healing.
*Wonder on your path and let the beauty and love be your everyday companion.